Anxiety

Anxiety is something that has been a big part of my life and I feel that despite the vast amount of awareness there is on anxiety it can still be really difficult for those that don't live with it to understand what it's like. 

Recently my anxiety has got worse, a few years ago was probably when I could say I was at my lowest. I would have panic attacks before going to school and sometimes wouldn't be able to get out the car. I tried drinking water, breathing exercises and other things that people say help in these situations and just nothing seemed to work. 

Eventually I learnt to control this feeling, I'd still get nervous and a little panicky but I was able to force myself out the car. I think a lot of this helped by changing some of the friends that I had at the time. 

It's not always obvious whether or not a person has anxiety, gradually you can adopt methods of almost hiding it, I still don't like telling people that I have anxiety and very rarely talk about it. If I start to feel anxious and someone asks what's wrong it's hard for me to say that I'm anxious so I'll cover it up by saying I just don't feel well. It usually works.

I try not to let my anxiety stop me doing things and whilst I still manage to go out when I can if I am feeling anxious it's not always the best of times. I'm ambitious, I want to go and travel the world and I don't want anxiety to hold me back but I have to accept that at some point, it probably will to an extent. 

It's physically exhausting, I'm really surprised how tired anxiety can actually make you. I'll go from feeling on top of the world to having no motivation to do anything and there's no way I can even explain how or why that happens. 

I try not to let anxiety define me, it's a difficult thing to talk about. I know that if all my friends knew I had anxiety they'd be asking if I was ok whenever something was a little abnormal or we did something a little different, I don't want that. I don't want my friends to feel as though they have to be worried about how I'll react in certain situations or that I need looking after. I just want to be able to be like the rest of them, I'm sure anyone with anxiety will understand that. 

If you know someone with anxiety I think the best thing to do is be there for them as it can be a very lonely experience. If you know they're panicking don't push them into telling you what's wrong, they will in their own time. Letting you know that you're there for them is probably one of the most simplist and meaningful things you can do. 

x~Jess~x